One of those Copons' tales no one gives a shit but he tells you anyway or How Copons built his own gaming rig and lived happily ever after or The guide you can totally link to your totally dumb friends to make them stop calling you when they need to replace the RAM

One day my apartment became less spacious.

My cat BRODO was quite baffled: she suddenly lost a playing area of roughly the same size of Idaho.

It's worth noting that I, being Italian, don't really know how big is Idaho, or where it is for that matter. I guess it could be somewhere in the midwest, but midwest of what, that escapes me.

I opened the package and this is what I found inside:

My LEGO® builder voice in my head started telling me I totally had to assemble all this stuff together. I decided to follow the voice, because reasons and also because I trashed 6 months of paychecks to get it.

So I took the motherboard out of its box. It looked like this:

Oh god it's ugly!
What the hell were they thinking when they decided that brown was a cool color for a mobo?

Then I opened the processor box and this is what I found inside:

It was time to attach the processor to the motherboard.
Quite amazingly, when building a computer, this is both the first and the hardest step. A tiny error can screw up 200€ worth of components, just a couple of bucks less than the 2011 Idaho GDP (source: the internet).

My anxiety started to build up.

Then finally I said fuck it and BAM! BAM! BAM!

All seemed to be in its right place.

But as soon as I installed the RAM, something happened.

Something I have been fearing all along.
Something that could have destroyed everything I did in the last 47 hours if you consider the huge amount of time needed to take pictures of the CPU in my hand.

BRODO jumped on the table.

Eventually she got the fuck out of there I took her by force and closed her in the bedroom, therefore I could bring the case on the table.

This was what its inside looked like:

In the top right corner you can catch a glimpse of our immortal IKEA Xmas tree we're too lazy to take out.

In a super cool one-two technique I put inside the case both drives, in the perfect position to stay out the way when working with the other parts.

Then I screwed in the motherboard and plugged the drives.

All seemed fine at the moment, but the tide was starting to turn.

Basically, when asking informations about building a PC, no one ever tells you how fucking heavy a power supply unit is.
Well, I'll be the one who finally does it.
A power supply unit weighs about 140 Kg, which is, for my dear imperialist readers, just a bit more than 40 thousands gallons or, roughly, the entire lenght of Idaho coastline.

As soon as I put it inside the case I realized what's all the fuss about modular PSUs about.

Now where the hell am I supposed to put all those cables?

After connecting everything to everything, this is what the case looked like:

And this is what the PC looked like in its own place, plugged in and turned on after 3 hours because I was such a pussy.

Immediately after pushing the power button, I looked to the monitor and this is what I got:

A stream of icy sweat started pouring down from my forehead. What did I do wrong? I didn't hear any explosion sounds and there was no smoke coming out from the case so at least that was ok.

Oh.
Suddenly I realized that probably I had to turn on the monitor too.

Turning the monitor on I got to this message implying: "Just reboot and press F2 you sonuvabitch".

I did it.

POW! My first UEFI ever!
Here with an additional super cool lens flare effect, because the simple camera flash wasn't popping out enough.

After that I spent literally a dozen of hours trying to install Windows 7 via USB. I couldn't because reasons, so I went with Windows 8.1. I hate it, you hate it, but all in all it's fine, come on, there is no need to be that picky.

So, jumping forward, this is what I accomplished in roughly 20 hours of tinkering and building and formatting and installing: my girlfriend stealth stealing the new PC to play Cook, Serve, Delicious!.
To protect her privacy I sticked a picture of Margot Robbie on her. I hope you appreciate it as much as I do.

Also, double displays motherfuckers!
And a Swiffer box and a hanged Santa plush.

The sharpest knives of the drawer between you dear readers should have noticed a couple of hundreds paragraphs earlier that there is one huge piece missing, at least for a full-fledged gaming rig.

"Yeah, Copons, where the hell is the video card?", I can almost hear you say.

Well fuck you ill-mannered bastards, I didn't have it at the time because redacted. Also, I don't have to answer you about anything. Who are you? The FBI? My mother? The mother of some random FBI agent?
I got it the day after, without even knowing for sure what it would have been: I expected a GTX 770, but I had no knowledge about which brand or model at all.
So, when I opened the package, I was kinda baffled by what I saw.

I mean, look at this badass thingy!

And this is my gaming rig, built from scratch and finally complete!

So.
I guess this is it.

Finally now I'm able to drive around Europe in my truck.

Or taking a pee in a Hong Kong toilet, with the swaggest tee ever.

But I just know that what I'll really do will be this:

Finally, this tale is over.
I would like to thank every single one of you who endured lots of pain to read everything till the end.
But my very special thanks go to all the SteamGAFfers who listened to my doubts, who answered to my extra dumb questions, who didn't rat me out if they noticed that the giveaways I won lied redeemed but unused in my library because my previous PC just couldn't play them. Well, guess what, now I can! ☺
You truly are the best community ever.

I would also like to personally thank Bluforce, who is a GAFfer too though he's a Sony fanboy, so shame on him! and who more than anyone else endures my constant whinings every single time I have to put up more than a couple of bucks to buy something.

And now a complimentary picture!
My GTX 780 tenderizing a chicken breast in CSD!